


Yes, and this is the other TV series

by sherbal



Series: The Birth of Sir Osmond Darling-Blackadder [2]
Category: Blackadder
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 23:45:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12922764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherbal/pseuds/sherbal
Summary: sequel to "The birth of sir osmond darling-blackadder"





	Yes, and this is the other TV series

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by "The graveyard book" by Neil Gaiman

"Wake up! You blasted Bohemian sandal-wearing ring-more-than-fingers necklace-more-than-neck smelly woman!" A man yelled at a girl who was leaning against one headstone in the cemetry, asleep.  It was almost midnight, summer evening wind blowing gently across the graveyard, stroking those angle statues, marble gravestones and pebbles on the little winding paths across the field.

Moments pasted and it didn't seem to be working. The poor girl was simply too deep in sleep to care about a single thing in this world. All she could hear was sounds of little animals squeaking in the distant and tree leaves rustling.

"Years of peace and quiet with no cubs running around, or young boys peeing on my face, and now this?" The man moaned.

"Wakey-wakey!" The man shouted to her ears. "Oh, dear. She's probably dead."

"No, she's not! She's obviously breathing." Another man, about the same height, came next to them.

"Yes, I know. Thank you. I know what breathing is like. Forty-six years of working on it, I think I can tell she's having one." The grumpy man said with a sarcastic tone.

The other man snorted, ready to come up with something to mock back, then he noticed something.

"Look, she's having a child!"

"Yes, I noticed that too. Even though I don't have the necessary facility to do it, I have a perfectly normal eyesight, that is to say, not blind, to see she's pregant. It's very easy to tell these days. Everyone is ghastly thin like pa..." 

Before he could finish, the other man had to interrupt his big moaning speech about young people these days.

"No, I mean she's having one right now!"

"Oh my god." The man looked closer and found the situation very tricky. "At a cemetery! In the middle of the night! And she's barely conscious."

"She may die here! Oh, dear. Hello? Madam? Wake up!" The other man shouted really loud to her ears.

"She can't hear us. You've been here for about three weeks. I thought you knew that."

"But there must be something we can do!" He frowned at the woman in pain. She was moaning in her coma.

He tried calling her again but nothing worked.

"No, there isn't. Look, if you can't bear it, go take a walk," The man said to his companion.

"How do you know that? You could at least try! I can't let her die in here. With a child! " The other man was upset. "You could at least pack up your cold-blooded remarks and be a little bit helpful."

"For the past forty-eight years, every time you were here. Don't you think I've tried every possible humanly or even unhumanly way to let you know I'm here with you? I kissed and touched you millions of time and you still stood there sobbing and sniffing, like a log of wet wood. And speaking of it, who's the man waited at the gate in autumn 1936?"

"I never knew you were here all along," The other man said, "I presumed you'd be in hell!"

"Not without you! My dearest Captain Darling!"

"It's Lieutenant colonel, Captain Blackadder!"

"Ah, yes, I forgot. You told me between sobs in 1924. I could hardly heard it with you blowing your nose that much times. I almost laughed in your face."

"How dare... wait! What did you say?"

"I said I almost laughed in your face! Really, Darling, after such a lenthy healthy life, you finally gone deaf now? "

The other man glared at him. "But I saw you at that time, I thought I was only hallucinating. You in your uniform, standing in front of me, looking... so happy and said 'well done, don't you go around pulling ranks and harassing young men'."

"And harassing young men." Blackadder said almost simultaneously with him.

"But it was only for one time then I never had that vision again." 

"I think we may have a chance. Think, darling. What did you do that time that you didn't do other hundrends times? Perhaps helping an old crone and she gave you a piece of something green? Or maybe sang a song you had no idea what the lyrics is?"

"I brushed my teeth at half-past-six, had an omelet for breakfast at seven. Then said good morning to my secretary at eight when entering the office and sat down to... Of course I can't remember!"

"Alright, let's think this way." Blackadder sighed. "What did you do when you came here?"

"Well, I walked around the cemetery to check no one was around and came to your place, put down the roses, as usual. And I told you the news. Nothing unusual."

"But there must be something. What is it!" Blackadder said anxiously.

Just then, the poor girl cried a few tears in her coma, must for the pain she was having now. 

"That's it! Tears! You weeped like a five-year-old with a bruised knee that day!"

"No, I didn't. It was manly tears! Do you think it was me seeing you through tears?"

"Worth a try!" Blackadder turned to the girl. "Ma'am?! Wake up! Can you hear me? Wake up!"

Surprisingly, the woman hummed to his shouting.

“Hello, Ma'am? You need to shout out loud. You're in the middle of a cemetery. it's the only thing you can do now.”

The woman opened her lips but no sound was coming out.

"Shout, lady! Scream! Howl! Growl! Roar!"

Just then, another voice came beside them. "Do you mind? Someone's trying to sleep here."

That's the Brown family. An old lady with her daughters.

"It's an emergency, for Christ's sake. You've been sleeping for ages. I'm sure you don't need this one hour."

"Queer!" The voice faded.

"Bitch."

"Come on! Think of your child's father. No matter who it is! Some ghastly skinny fellow with beard and long trousers. Come on!"

The mother-to-be used all her strength to scream at the top of her lungs. "Help!!!"

"Come on! Come on!"

"Help!!!"

After about five minutes, the girl was getting hoarse and stopped to take a breath.

No one was coming.

"Do you think someone will come, Edmund?"

"I don't know. In the middle of the night. At the middle of nowhere. God knows how she tumbled in."

They stood together, staring at the poor girl.

"Don't be sad, darling. Death isn't that bad. Just boring, really. Most of the old crones here were always sleeping. Can't find a decent bloke to talk to. Well, after Johnson and Mitchell saw you coming here after dark every week, stroking the tombstone, my most convincing speech about you being my cousin was not helping. But I'm glad you're here with me. I was hoping you could live as long as you wanted so you could come to see me for some more times, before you died and buried elsewhere. If I know you wrote in your will that you wished to be buried with me here forty years ago, I'll probably hope you'd snuff it right there."

"Don't be a selfish ass, Blackadder. I supported your brothers and sisters. Two doctors, one MP, one married to a lord, and the other one is probably a lesbian. But she's alright, writing for a living."

"Then what about the tall man at the gate, Mr leather pants? I thought I told you I don't want you hanging around with them."

"Oh, you mean Von Herman. He's so much better than you in bed, you know. And he has this wonderful huge..." Darling was cut off.

"Then why are you here? Why not be in a small box on some boche's nightstand, watching Mr thick-o banging other fathead gits like you?"

"Because, Blackadder, Mr thick-o is General Melchett. He came to see you but decided against it. The General is a kind person if not in this war. "

They both looked at the gate of the cemetery, lost in thought.

Then they saw the light from a torch. The grave keeper walked in through the gate.

"Help!" The woman called out for maybe the last night then fainted.

Blackadder and Darling stood there nervously, hoping the man would discover her.

"Are you alright, Ma'am?" The grave keeper approached her and found her unconscious, then quickly lifted her up and walked out the cemetery.

"I'm sure she'll be alright," Blackadder said. "By the way, darling, I'm curious. Tell me, is there someone after me? Other Mr Thick-o, Mr Bulge, Mr Driller, Mr Pumping-machine. I won't be jealous about it. Come on, out with it."

"Well, maybe just three or four."

"Three or four?"

"And perhaps with countless times in the dirty public house near the train station or the toilets of the local pubs."

"Well,well, well," Blackadder said. "You Jezebel! I was expecting you to say, no, there isn't any, Edmund, just you. Now if you don't mind, I'll be standing slightly over there to make more room for your BOYFRIEND-S, lady Chatterley!"

"So you expect me to stay in abstinence for forty-eight years?"

"Of course, my lady. That's my last words!"

“You said, don't take my wife and kid to visit you. I didn't hear anything about living like a monk! Maybe it's because of your stutter, I didn't catch that, I'm sorry, BIG NOSE!”

"My stutter, probably was because I had to carry an ungrateful prat in my arms while running towards your car for fear that it alreay left, and was about to die half-an-hour later!"

They fell into long silence, too long even for the deceased.

"Edmund."

"Yes. Constance?"

"I'm sorry. I couldn't resist it."

"Well, who can resist hunky men with whole body covered in fur rahter than body hair?"

"No, they all reminded me of you. Black hair, moustache... big nose."

"Though I'm touched, darling, but you're still a filthy whore. What kind of a man are you to exchange handjobs in the public toilets? I'm surprised you can reach your nineties. Are there any blue spots on your knob? I don't want little green mushrooms growing out of the surface here. And visitors will say, look, here's another one, filthy bastard."

He gestured at their resting place. The moonbeams lighted the words on it.

Edmund Blackadder

1871-1917

Kevin Darling-Blackadder

1871-1965

"Darling-Blackadder? How romantic! Come on. I bet you were just ashamed to use your own last name. What did you say in your will? Please please please add a bit of nobleness to mine. And if anyone should see this, they'll probably dig us out and give us two years of hard labour each."

Blackadder put his arm around Darling. "If any one of your 'boyfriends' dares to visit you, and gets a bit weepy and teary, I'm afraid I will become their worst nightmare."

 

//

"Honey, I'm so sorry I'm late. The band was having a late-night gang-bang last night." Mr Balldrek rushed to his girlfriend's bedside in the hospital. "Where is this little guy?"

"He's beautiful." He held his newborn in his arms gently. "I have no idea I will have a son one day. What should we name him? I've always want my son to be a John Lennon, or Bob Dylan, or something with a 'love' or 'sunflower' in it."

"How about Edmund Darling-Blackadder?"

"Is that a new band?"

"Maybe, I don't know. It stuck into my head somehow."

"Darling-Blackadder you say? Good. I like it. 'Darling' in a name!What a fabulous idea! And Blackadder just adds a hint of something dark and hollow just like the capitalists' oppression and war and horror! What a beautiful name! But why Edmund?"

"I have no idea. This just pops into my head with something else about a man and a pig in it. Dunno."

Little ~~Edmund~~ Osmond Darling-Blackadder opened his eyes to see this new world, this new adventure.

END

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
